What do you want?
No matter what your age, I’m sure you’ll agree that very few people know what they actually want. I don’t know exactly what I want to achieve during my life. I wanted to write a book to help others and bring me fulfillment. I don’t know what specific things I want to have accomplished five or ten years from now. All I know is I want to be happy and healthy. I spent many years worrying about money, and I know I don’t want to do that ever again.
What about you? If you're a 39 Forever Mom, you may not know what you want but you definitely know you don’t want to constantly worry about money any longer.
Every mother I’ve ever met worries about one or both of these what ifs:
“What if I end up poor and destitute?”
“What if my kids end up poor and destitute?”
Get off the hamster wheel.
It’s time to replace your worry with
knowledge & action.
"How do I stop worrying?!?!?"
For starters, realize that WORRY is the #1 cause of health problems and health problems are the #1 cause of ending up poor and destitute. If you don’t believe me, Google “worry cause health problems study” and do some reading. Make sure to include this one in your research: webmd.com/balance/guide/how-worrying-affects-your-body
If your talents and abilities which you use to earn income are prohibited by illness, you are in trouble. Whether you work in the city or you are a stay at home mom, your talents and abilities produce income. What would it cost to replace a stay at home mom? Exactly. Cha-ching. You must protect your health, talents and abilities in order to protect your loved ones. You really do have to take care of YOU first. No, it’s not selfish. It’s a simple fact. The first thing you have to do to take care of yourself is this:
Replace worry with knowledge & action.
Worrying about what went wrong yesterday is as pointless as worrying about what could go wrong tomorrow. Worry, like being broke, is a bad habit which can be broken.
“…we must equip ourselves to deal with different kinds of worries by learning the three basic steps of problem analysis. The three steps are:
- Get the facts.
- Analyze the facts.
- Arrive at a decision – and then act on that decision.”
Dale Carnegie goes on to explain “When we are worried, our emotions are riding high”. By pretending to be someone else as you gather the facts, you skip over the emotions and take action straight away.
Needs VS. Wants
You want your kids to know the difference between needs and wants, yes? Thought so. Show them how it’s done. If being broke is your main money issue, you must identify which bad habits are at the root of your issue. Your kids don’t deserve to have you snapping on them because you’re broke. My book 39 Keys to Money Success for The 39 Forever Mom will help you replace your bad habits with good habits.
If you’re like me - sometimes oblivious to the needs and wants scale tipping - mint.com can bring you back to reality. Mint is a huge part of my tried & true cash flow management system, which is, of course, in my book!!
If I asked you right now, “What do you want to be better at when it comes to your money?” you’d say something like “I want to learn more about investing.” I’d ask “Why?” Your response would be something like, “To have more money.” Then I’d ask “Why do you want to have more money?”
Why do we all want more money? Because we think having more money will reduce our stress and make us happier.
Happiness = Emotion
The flip-side of the emotion coin is, of course, unhappiness/discomfort/pain.
Humans run faster from pain than they run towards pleasure.
This fact is why your fears should be your #1 concern. Wants are secondary. Fear drives the bus.
Who will hold you accountable?
This is usually my role, but since I can’t be everybody’s live accountability partner, you will need to keep each other accountable. Holding yourself accountable may be easy for you - WAIT! What’s that shiney thing over there!?!? As I was saying - if you’re not easily distracted - good for you. For the rest of us, this experience will be much more fun and effective if you join forces with 1, 2 or 7 like-minded ladies. Suggest to your book club, Bible study, best girlfriends or sister that you embark on the journey to money success together with the help of a great new book.
“What about my spouse?”
Your spouse, if you have one, may be your ideal accountability partner. If you have your doubts about working together on bettering your money success skills together, master the skills presented in this book yourself, THEN invite your spouse to join you. It may even be more effective to avoid the formal invitation altogether. Your partner will SEE you making positive changes and likely want to know more. I’m not a relationship expert, but I believe leading by example is the best way to evoke change in all situations.